Holiday sales can put Kristen Conti in a good mood. Whether it's a bargain on home accessories, designer shoes or a new handbag, Ms Conti, 60, said shopping makes her happy and alive.
“Black Friday is a killer for me; it's like my Super Bowl,” she said.
Ms. Conti, a real estate agent in Englewood, Fla., typically takes the day after Thanksgiving off to shop online with her mother. “We make a pot of coffee, turn on the shopping channels and overdo it,” she admitted.
This year, however, she's trying not to spend a dime.
That's because Ms. Conti has over $50,000 in credit card debt, mostly due to her shopping habits. After spending $800 on Labubu dolls and $500 on Christmas decorations, Ms. Conti sought the help of a therapist.
She is now working hard to pay off her debts and change her habits. To combat the temptation to shop on Black Friday, Ms. Conti plans to spend the day with her 11-year-old niece. “We’re going to a capybara farm,” she said.
Americans spent $10.8 billion online on Black Friday last year, according to data from Adobe Analytics. Studies show that sales create a sense of urgency—and fear that if you don't act now, you'll miss out. With the convenience of one-click purchases, saved payment information, and buy now, pay later loans, shoppers get a quick hit of dopamine before they can stop and consider whether the purchases make sense. This can lead to overspending. Many buyers who went into debt last year are now trying to curb their habit.
Christina Mychaskiw, a pharmacist and blogger in Toronto, treated herself to a pair of boots that cost more than a month's rent during a Black Friday sale in 2018. Back then, shopping helped her overcome boredom and relieve stress.
“It took up my time because I didn’t really have any other hobbies,” Ms. Mychaskiw said. Social media made it worse. She spent her salary on makeup and skin care. “It was almost a surprise that I was able to buy the same bronzer as my favorite influencer.”
Although Ms. Mychaskiw did not incur any debt, she lived paycheck to paycheck with no savings. After jumping to the bootstraps, she decided to change her behavior. “I realized that if I didn’t do something about it, I would be broke for the rest of my life,” Ms. Mychaskiw, 38, said.
Ms. Mychaskiw looked for help online, taught herself how to do a financial audit and started an eight-month no-buy challenge in which participants stop spending money on things like clothes, shoes and makeup. She even wrote a workbook to help others reduce their consumption: The Minimalist-ish Journal.
To curb overspending during the holidays, Nathan Astle, a certified financial therapist in Kansas City, Missouri, recommends putting guardrails in place, such as deleting your credit card information from online stores, apps and mobile payment services like Apple Pay. This makes it “more annoying to spend money,” he said.
Lauren Bowling, a recovered compulsive shopper in Atlanta, sees “points of friction” between herself and her spending, she said. For example, when she's in a brick-and-mortar store, instead of using a shopping cart, she carries everything until her arms get tired. It's a built-in limit.
“I also have a 24-hour rule,” said Ms. Bowling, 38. If something catches her eye, she has to wait at least a day before making the purchase.
To put the brakes on online shopping, Erika Wasserman, a certified financial therapist in Florida, recommends using music. Select a song and listen to the entire melody before clicking the “Buy” button. This delay “gives you room to evaluate this purchase,” Ms. Wasserman said. The song can be fun and should be related to your financial goals – a Pavlovian musical note, like your school anthem, reminding you to pay off your student loans. And instead of adding items to your shopping cart, create a wish list. Often just this small change can prevent an impulse purchase.
Pausing in the moment is only part of the solution; It also helps to plan ahead.
As Black Friday approaches, you should be conscious about your spending. Ms. Wasserman suggests making a “must-have” list and noting the typical cost of each item. That way, “when you see the sales price, you actually know whether it’s a deal or not.”
It's also important to identify your triggers. “It's not good for me to look at new makeup launches or what I can buy on sale at Sephora,” Ms. Mychaskiw said.
The same goes for Ms. Bowling. “I recently joined TikTok” and the ads are “rapid fire,” she said. The social media channel offers everything from South Korean skincare to the latest lip oils, which really attracts her, she said.
Ms. Mychaskiw suggested unfollowing or muting social media influencers who trigger your shopping habits and refraining from Black Friday deals or recommendations.
In addition to avoiding triggers, understanding compulsive buying is crucial.
Mr. Astle suggests keeping a money journal to identify spending patterns. Not only do you record how much you spend, but also “what you felt before, during and after each purchase,” he said. Sometimes, he explained, spending can mask a feeling we're not aware of and need to figure out.
Ms. Bowling's problems with overspending began in college but ended soon after she started working. With the help of a therapist, she realized that she had been using shopping to cope with the loneliness and boredom that came with changing schools and losing contact with old friends. This connection with a therapist helped her face her feelings instead of trying to bury them. A few years after graduating, Ms. Bowling managed to pay off her debts and curb her spending.
For Ms. Conti, spending is a way to cope with stress and sadness. But positive emotions also play a role. She and her mother become friends while shopping. After purchasing the Labubu dolls, Ms. Conti said, she and her mother were like “two little girls squealing with joy about how we are going to use these Labubus for the holidays.”
She also shops to make others happy. But after every stroll, feelings of shame, guilt and disappointment creep in. Even though her husband is aware of her difficulties, she quickly breaks down the boxes from her shopping sprints. “I don’t want my husband to have to cut up my boxes,” she said. “There’s a lot of self-loathing.”
Shame is often a telltale sign that you need to take a closer look at your financial behavior, Mr Astle said. It is an emotion that leads to secrecy and avoidance. So if you find yourself hiding purchases from your partner, avoiding looking at your credit card statements or bank accounts, or putting off thinking about your finances altogether, consulting a financial therapist or financial advisor could be helpful in addressing the problem.
Group support, either online or in person, can help reduce stigma and provide emotional support as you work toward your financial goals. Ms. Conti is part of a Facebook group for people with shopping addictions. Members share their successes and encourage each other to keep trying, even when they face setbacks.
Debtors Anonymous has a similar structure to Alcoholics Anonymous, offering a 12-step program and a support person known as a “sponsor.” Teaming up with a like-minded friend can keep you accountable even during Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or other high sales pressure times.
Ms. Conti plans to talk to her therapist more often this shopping season. “It's holding me up a little bit,” she said, because “when we meet, I don't want to admit that I messed up.”